The definition of closure varies from person to person, but it always embodies a sense of finality. When I was younger (and by younger I mean a couple years ago), I HAD to know the reasons for everything. I demanded closure. If a boyfriend broke up with me, I needed to know exactly why, as if this knowledge would liberate me from the suffering brought on by the break. If a friend stopped coming around, I had to have a big conversation about it to try to see things from their point of view to understand why. I have since learned that this is impossible since we all live our own realities and no matter how much someone explains their reality to you, you can never understand it since your reality is based on your own experiences. In fact, I learned that by demanding closure I was trying to further control the situation rather than accepting it. Often, the only closure is no particular closure, rather surrendering to the universe and trusting that you will end up where you need to be.
Don Miguel Ruiz writes in “The Mastery of Love” about how children live in the moment, not giving a thought to the past or to the future. They have no attachments to anything outside of right now. However, as they grow up, they start putting labels on everything and forming expectations around these labels. If this person is my friend, they will always be there. If my parents have been overprotective, they will always be such. If my husband doesn’t communicate with me, he will never be able to learn to do so. These conclusions are dangerous because they don’t allow room for the Creator to work in our lives.
The real truth is that nothing is constant except change. We are continuously shedding old beliefs and patterns that no longer serve us, and that alone brings such a beautiful closure to our days. Instead of grasping, we are existing in the moment, allowing life to unfold and knowing that this IS what closure is all about…learning to flow with the inevitable, much like effortlessly floating along down the creek. We wouldn’t fight the current while leisurely floating along, yet we do so in our daily lives when we refuse to accept reality and demand closure from another person or even from God.
To me, true closure is knowing at the end of each day that I have done the best that I can and that ultimately, nothing is in my control. A sense of peace comes along with this because there is acceptance that there is nothing more to be done but trust. With this insight, I am learning to step back from expectations and just allow life to flow naturally. It creates space and freedom not only in my own life, but also in the lives of those around me.
– Megan Lockwood Hayes
Megan Lockwood Hayes serves as a Student Aid Grant Specialist at Student Financial Services at the University of North Alabama. She is a native of Texas and calls Alabama home now. Megan juggles her husband, daughter, job, school work, friends and her “ME” time in a perfectly clumsy way. She loves her life deeply; and, she takes almost every experience that comes her way, positively. Megan hates negative and judgmental people, bullies and frogs. Megan loves cooking, cleaning, reading, working out, doing yoga, watching Netflix, cuddling with Rylan, playing outside, waking up without an alarm clock, rainy days, naps, wine, and more…