Dear Robin Williams,
You had to do what you had to do. You chose to quit because you found that it fit best with your needs. I am neither mad nor angry because you chose to leave. I am not better than you because I choose to live. I believe it takes courage to take one’s own life. Agreed, it is momentary courage, but there is an element of bravery involved.
Hurt is a universal language. It must have hurt you so badly that you chose to transition in hopes for comfort this materialistic world couldn’t give you. You must have felt incredibly lonely. You must have faced immense pressure to give in.
I have been hurt. Hurt by a relative who raped me at age nine. Hurt by countless people who sexually molested me as a child. Hurt by the constant bullying in school, family and so-called-friends. I do not have your portrait of pain but I have a close frame of reference.
If I could take away all your pain and hurt, I would. We each come into this world with our own journey, with our own milestones, and with our own destination. Just as a plant grows towards the light, our struggles shape us in spite of obstacles before it. You overcame drug and alcohol addiction. You could have overcome this too.
When I watched Good Will Hunting (1997) where you played therapist Sean Maguire, it made me happy and hopeful. I see the Oscar as a bonus but winning the heart of millions and filling them with aspirations was your shiniest and truest performance.
I have tried to kill myself eight times, suffered severe depression and come across suicidal thoughts to this day. However, I am alive and kicking and writing this letter to you because your death shook me. The reason I still breathe is because the right support came to me at the right time.
I learnt to watch my black dog with that support. Yes, there were times when it seemed like a fierce monster that backed me to a wall. But I didn’t let it bite me. The wall of love and support stood in between us, protecting me, holding me as I feared for my dear life. I wish I could have lent you my leash so you could have controlled your black dog.
If I could take away all your pain and hurt, I would. We each come into this world with our own journey, with our own milestones, and with our own destination. Our struggles shape us just as a plant grows towards the light in spite of obstacles before it. You overcame drug and alcohol addiction. You could have overcome this too.
You are not a coward as some would say. You felt your pain and hurt were too fierce for you to tame. I wish I could have lent you my coping skills. I would have held your hand through sadness so you could admire the beauty in this world. So you could see the spirit of life fighting each day with pride.
Chicago! We have that in common. I live in the suburbs and you were born here. I would have been your best friend in childhood had we met. Your then weight would never even cross my mind. You could entertain us both by creating different voices. It would be so much fun.
Birds still chirp on God’s green earth. Clouds still pass us over; sometimes, pouring rain. And when sun rays hit the drops of water, rainbows still appear across the skyline. Children still play in neighbourhood parks while eating ice-cream. Waves still splash over surfers trying to ride them. Humankind and nature still meet each other. They bask in the glory of the spirit of life.
Dear Robin Williams, I truly wish you were here… with us!
– Pratik Mamtora, Managing Editor
Pratik Mamtora was born & raised in India. He has lived in London, United Kingdom for three years & absolutely loved it there. Pratik has a Bachelor’s in English from India and Master’s (ABD) from UNA. He loves to read and write, especially poetry. Pratik enjoys coffee & conversation and is passionate about serving the community. He invests himself in understanding the needs of the modern world and the evolving spirituality within. Pratik is known to walk that extra mile to make others happy. If you ever meet… or when you meet him, Pratik will make you smile.