Choices. Even when we don’t consciously make one, we’re making a choice. We may not think so but our very lack of action is a choice. Later after things have gone a little haywire, we tell ourselves or others that was not the choice we made. Well, yes we did, you did, I did.
By not making a choice, it’s as if we are standing at the edge of quicksand. The closer we get to the edge, the more our feet begin to slip into the mire. We keep thinking, “I can get out anytime I want to.” But the longer we stand, the deeper we sink.
A few years ago I was standing at the edge of such a place. The details aren’t important to anyone but me but just know I was in danger of being sucked into the deepest pits of quicksand hell. My life was in a mess. I couldn’t seem to move one way or the other. It was a mess of my own making but I wasn’t too happy about admitting that, then or now. The longer I waited, the worse it got. Then one day I heard about a group of people who were meeting at a home to study from Edgar Cayce’s A Search for God. I had attended church for years, taught Sunday school but so far I wasn’t sure I had found God or one I wasn’t afraid was going to send a bolt of lightening out of the heavens and zap me. That was the God I had been taught about and grown up with.
That Sunday I left the house without telling my husband where I was going except to say it was a meeting. At that time, he wouldn’t have understood because he was dealing with his own quicksand.
Nervous didn’t begin to describe how I felt, but terrified would be close, as I drove around, found the house and then drove around some more. Finally I had to make a choice. Was I going to pull in that driveway, get out of my car and knock on that door? Somehow, something inside of me or above me moved my hand to the door handle and opened it. I felt as if there was an outside force pulling at me, telling me to get my butt to the door and ring the bell. I really don’t remember much about the first meeting except for the friendly faces, the hot coffee and the hugs. What hugs there were all around the room!
Metaphysically speaking, my feet were slowly moving out of the quicksand. I had been extended a branch to hang on to as friends pulled me to solid ground. My heart and mind were being made ready to receive again what I already knew but had forgotten I knew it. Best of all, there were others on a journey as well.
The lessons have remained with me. Some of the friends I made that day are still with me. A few have gone on to other paths or lessons they’ve needed to learn elsewhere. I’m still learning, making choices and living my life to the fullest in my own way. I know if I get close to the quicksand, there are those ready to extend a branch and help me again.
Choices are important. The ones we chose to make and those we allow to be made for us. My journey is far from complete. There are still many lessons left to learn but my heart and mind remain open to them each day.
May your force be with you and may your choices be your own.
– Barbara Tubbs Hill
Writer, counselor, perennial student and seeker of truth and spirit is an apt description for Barbara. Currently, Barbara is working on her first novel with two more planned for the future. Her first book, “Let’s Talk, What You Don’t Know About Credit Can Hurt You,” was written after fifteen years in a career than spanned collections, credit and mortgage lending. Barbara is glad to have been a part of getting the Indian Mound in Florence listed on the Alabama State Historical Register and soon the National Historical Registry. She lives in Florence AL with her husband Johnnie and two precious rescue dogs; Snookies and Daisy.
*Photo credit: http://axenblogs.azurewebsites.net/climbing-out-of-the-quicksand-of-it-complexity/