Sometimes we humans lapse into periods of emotional darkness that some call the “dark night of the soul” or what I now call a birthing process known as unjoy times. Thankfully, this doesn’t happen too often for a busy Sagittarian like me, but for now it seems, astrologically speaking, that I am in the roughly two year cycle of a Saturn transit that feels pretty heavy. The photo I took at Mori Point, California somewhat depicts the feeling.
Heavy and dark is my close companion, it feels like a seemingly pervasive and constantly brewing, brooding, ready-to-rain-but-can’t, storm cloud over restless water. The actual manifestation is primarily apathy for me. My usual exuberant humor is squelched and sequestered to the point that I cannot seem to muster enthusiasm for any of the usual activities that normally feel joyful and meaningful. Even chocolate lacks its usual exotic flavor. Imagine, Saturn even affects my taste buds! So, now you get some sense of how solemn are the effects of this Saturnian influence.
And now, I get a more empathetic sense of how it must feel for some of my friends who have a strong ongoing Saturn influence that impacts them every single day. Perhaps I can be more compassionate with them in the future when I know that they know intellectually what to do but just cannot seem to pull it off behaviorally. Maybe in the future I can enlist good humor and be more accepting of how tough it can be to feel a total loss of control. Wow! Is that what this is-loss of control?!
I lapsed into a contemplative state as I unconsciously decided to court the question posed by the loss of control insight. As I was thinking about how to jolt myself out of this unwelcome unjoyful phase, Mike strolled up and asked about my pensiveness. I told him then about my state of mind and body.
Suddenly I thought of a happy book that my children enjoyed when they were very young. It was titled Have You Seen My Mother? Quickly then my thoughts translated the current feeling by asking, “Have you seen my humor?” He laughed and of course it broke the inner tension so a bit more light could emerge. Hopefully my humor isn’t entirely subdued.
However I still felt compelled to ponder what to do. Then there was a flash of memory from the old 12 Step days where the constant mantra was to always live with an attitude of gratitude. It reminded me to give thanks for every experience and to always remember that life is here for us. Every single thing that one experiences is FOR US. Hmmm… Swiss-American psychiatrist and author On Death and Dying, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross said, “People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.”
Okay, I get it. No matter what happens and no matter how serious things may appear, there is a ray of sunshine ready to burst forth. I can be grateful that dark clouds often bring tears to flush out what no longer serves. The fresh air of new insights and inner cleansing is truly transformational. We shift from darkness into LIGHT! Transformation is the gift of Saturn. I am grateful. The cycle has yet to complete but now I can’t wait to see how the new me will BE!
– Wanda Gail Campbell
Wanda has served thirty plus years as a healthcare professional. Currently, she serves as a Minister of Peace ordained by The Beloved Community. In July, 2007 she completed her PhD in Philosophy focused on Intercultural Peacemaking. For her own spiritual nourishment, she enjoys reading both contemporary and ancient spiritual writings.