As I grow older and see fewer years in front of me than behind me, I see the need for several areas of healing. One of the primary areas of healing for me is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is just what it implies, forgiving others and most of all forgiving myself. You see, I’m very human and have made more mistakes than I care to count. I’ve been harder on myself than others have been and I bear the mental stripes to prove it. My sins of omission and commission are far greater in my eyes than in the eyes of others. But now, I see the need for that healing by beginning with forgiveness of myself.
There are others in my life that I need to forgive. In most religious or spiritual thought groups, there is some written word or thought conveyed that encourages us to forgive others as we are forgiven. My heart says this is needed but my mind screams, “But they don’t deserve to be forgiven! They did you wrong!” In the past, my mind won out over my heart. But things are changing and they begin with me.
As I recite what is known as “The Lord’s Prayer” each night before sleep, a constant reminder is there. The plea, “Forgive my sins as I forgive those who have sinned against me.” Finally, it has made it way deep into my heart and mind. Forgive already! There are plenty of books encouraging us to forgive ourselves, to get on with life and to “let go and let God.” Or Spirit as the case may be.
In case you’re wondering, I don’t plan to list my sins. There isn’t time or room and if I’m forgiving myself, they are no more. As I’ve begun this work, my step has become lighter, my heart more free and there is less judgment of others. There is still a conversation that goes on between my heart and my mind. But the heart, the soul, is getting stronger and more willing to let it be.
No longer do I feel the need to point out to others, who didn’t ask in the first place, what is better for their life or the way things should be done. If it works for them, who am I to say otherwise? In the process, I’ve become less judgmental toward myself. There are fewer should nots and more why not. There is more encouragement for others and less of trying to make them see things my way. Again, if it works for them, then I need to let it be. In this way, I’m healing a part of me I didn’t understand was in need of repair. A big part of this healing process is the forgiveness of past hurts and perceived injustices, a keener understanding of myself and others.
It’s finally time to let go and let Spirit take over.
– Barbara Tubbs Hill
Writer, counselor, perennial student and seeker of truth and spirit is an apt description for Barbara. Currently, Barbara is working on her first novel with two more planned for the future. Her first book, “Let’s Talk, What You Don’t Know About Credit Can Hurt You,” was written after fifteen years in a career than spanned collections, credit and mortgage lending. Barbara is glad to have been a part of getting the Indian Mound in Florence listed on the Alabama State Historical Register and soon the National Historical Registry. She lives in Florence AL with her husband Johnnie and two precious rescue dogs; Snookies and Daisy.