“He brought me to my knees to bring me to my feet. No matter what it looks like, the glory STILL belongs to Him and the present will soon be the past. I remember being awake for all of twenty (20) minutes the entire stay in the hospital. Yes, it’s tiring. Yes it’s hard having these seizures. Yes it is a lonely world. But when you have family and friends and a Heavenly Father keeping you lifted, the battle becomes less taxing. The weight becomes easier to bear and the light at the end of the tunnel seems a little brighter. (It is) the reason I say I can’t be defined by, or fooled into thinking that this is my forever reality. Regardless of what your circumstance, tomorrow will soon be yesterday and today will soon be a distant memory but present reminder that God can, and did fix it.” –Aria Y. Lott March 2010
Fast-forward 6 years. We were at lunch and I threw my hands in the air and screamed “I PASSED!” Then, I simultaneously burst into tears. My co-workers were looking at me as though I was a bus and they were the innocent pedestrians that were hit by my shriek and uncontrollable tears. But until you’ve been told by nearly everyone to give up; until you’ve been teased and not taken seriously because something is off with your brain that you can’t control no matter how hard you try; until you’ve failed out of not one but two (2) chiropractic programs for not knowing how to handle the memory loss resulting from seizure meds; until you’ve come to the Red Sea, had it parted for your exit out of Egypt, taken steps on faith to cross the sea only to have it come crashing down on and consume you; until you’ve experienced that kind of hurt, you will never, ever, understand my tears.
Patience is a virtue. I am guilty of throwing this phrase around a lot. I’ve come to correct that sentiment. Patience is an earned endowment. It is something you receive through trying of your faith, your will, and the loss of the aforementioned.
Rewind to November of 2015. I had studied for months to prepare for this special education certification test. I had never dreamed of becoming a teacher. I didn’t have the patience nor the desire or passion needed to teach kids. But some kind of way I felt led to this profession. Somewhere along the way, I garnered the patience needed for the profession. I uncovered a hidden passion and desire to serve these children. I had even taken a sizable pay cut just to get my foot in the door. Now was the day of reckoning. I did everything right. I followed the path I felt led by God to take. I was being obedient to His will so here goes the moment when I see my test results.
Rewind 4 years.
I took this picture during a time when I was not allowed to drive my car for the frequency of seizures. I got a bike and I would ride 25 miles. I remember crying many days and thinking I wasn’t going to make it in life. I remember being so depressed that ending it sounded better than seeing it through. This particular day I was having a really hard time trying to ride up this steep hill. I will never forget looking and thinking “If I could just make it to the top.”
Fast forward to today. I went to the doctor because my heart has been bothering me and my blood pressure has been at stroke level for some time now. As I write this, I’m hooked up to a heart monitor and I have an echocardiogram scheduled in a week and a half. I’ve been put on 3 medications now to regulate my blood pressure and I’m becoming a human pharmacy. But let me tell you something. I’m concerned but I’m not worried. I’m accountable and doing my part to remedy the circumstances. Not tooting my own horn, but I am quite possibly the strongest woman I know because I’ve had to be strong for me when I didn’t have the courage to ask someone else to be.
Fast forward to today. If there is one thing that I can share about patience, I don’t know that the word in and of itself would be enough. When we think patience, we think to stop and be still and wait and eventually something will happen in our favor. But…sometimes your patience comes as you journey. Sometimes your tolerance for your journey comes with the patience and endurance you learn along the way. As I’m typing this, I can finally say that I’ve been seizure free for the past six months. To some, that’s a small stretch and nothing to boast about. But if you understand the word “healing” you’ll know that getting to this point is somewhat of a miracle for me.
The word seizure means the action of capturing someone or something using force. I finally stopped ‘stopping’ long enough to begin experiencing my journey and step by step, I learned true patience and true suffering and true pain and true courage and true active waiting. In doing so, I was and am able to initiate the seizure. I have taken my life back. So one can say the victim has become the victor. Instead of losing jobs because of epilepsy, I am now being sought after. My finances are getting in order. Favor is surrounding me and life is truly beautiful. Who knows what other battles lay ahead? Who cares? I’ve found patience and added it to my virtue and I’m moving on from here.
Aria Y. Lott is a person who is continuing to evolve through sharing her experience and is finding there is not only power in the love of God, but power in using her own successes and failures to encourage others to push until they cross the finish line. Aria is a joyful soul. She has experienced much to the contrary but realizes our belief in the possibility or existence of joy is what makes it tangible and challenges you to open yourself up to the possibility of joy and see what happens!